Manic's Mind Games

I wish I wasn’t fighting against myself everyday

I wish I didn’t force this stupid smile

I wish I wasn’t thinking about running away

But truth be said

I just want all the problems running through my head to go away

I want for every depressed thought to melt into oblivion

I want for every word to be a cascade of happiness

I have to stop these thoughts

They are running through my aching head

Tell me what did my laugh sound like?

Tell me how I used to smile

When everything was so much better

When I was so much better

You can say I’m still fighting what I’d always fought

You can say that I’m afraid of losing and being lost

Why can’t I just stop and start over?

Why can’t I just stop the spinning inside my head

Will I ever notice the beats of my heart?

Will I ever not hold my breath in my lungs?

Count to ten

Close my eyes

there's an urge to scream

there is something that is about to come from inside of me

I’m forcing it out before it forces me under

To reclaim my soul to reclaim everything that used to be me